2 min read

The most significant personal hurdle that I’ve overcome was some moderate-to-severe body dysmorphia. I had issues with my body image starting when I was a child, but I carried it with me into my teens. Therapy has helped me accept who I am and embrace my own subjective beauty, but for a long time, I hated looking in the mirror. I hated the way I smiled. People would always say “come on, give me a smile”, but I couldn’t capitulate. My teeth were crooked, my lips were dry. I had acne. I had peach fuzz above my upper lip.

Things had to get worse before they could get better. Through years of therapy, I learned to challenge negative thoughts and inflexible ways of thinking. I practiced reducing unhealthy behaviors like mirror checking and social avoidance. I remember wanting braces to fix my crooked teeth; I thought that if I could just tweak my appearance, I would be all right. But I challenged that conviction and decided to work on disrupting the emotions and reactions that were maintaining my dysmorphia. I waited because I didn’t want to rely on cosmetic surgery to like what I looked like. I wanted to believe it internally.

I eventually did get braces, but because my teeth were crowded and often painful. It made no difference to my overall self-image, which by then had improved drastically. I liked my smile, and I don’t shy away from showing it anymore. But I would be lying if I said having my teeth adjusted didn’t accentuate my self-esteem, but the difference was that I didn’t need it to recover from years of self-torture; it was just nice to have. 

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